


with(out) you to hold

by inlovewithimpossibility



Series: cerys' quarantine and chill fics [10]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Quarantine and Chill Fic Drive (Arrow TV 2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23650669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlovewithimpossibility/pseuds/inlovewithimpossibility
Summary: a one-shot sequel to 'and we're somehow caught up in a web of lies' set at the holidays after their defeat of slade
Relationships: Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak, Roy Harper/Thea Queen
Series: cerys' quarantine and chill fics [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1667249
Comments: 35
Kudos: 154
Collections: Quarantine and Chill Fic Drive 2020





	with(out) you to hold

**Author's Note:**

> all I'm going to say is read all the way to the end before you yell at me.... 'kay?

Felicity’s heels click loudly on the steps of the Foundry as she rushes down them, the warning from John having sent her into a state of panic.

Sure enough, by the back table is Oliver, throwing supplies into his tattered messenger bag with a forlorn expression on his face. He turns at the sound of her footsteps, his face contorting in pain as he looks at her.

“John told you.” He sighs, tilting his head as he regards her with a tender expression. It’s a look that generally fosters a similar softness of her own but now it just angers her as her eyes flick down to the bag once more.

“I can’t believe you weren’t going to. You don’t get to just walk away from me like this, Oliver Jonas Queen.” She states bitterly, her feet guiding her towards him as her brow furrows deeply.

“Felicity…” He tries to start but Felicity holds up her hand, her newest piece of jewellery sparkling in the artificial light of the Foundry. Oliver’s eyes flick to it for a moment before he sighs, relenting as he indicates for her to go on.

“No. You made me a promise, Oliver.” She states clearly, her anger bubbling in her stomach. There’s a lot of promises he’s made her that these actions break but Oliver clearly knows the one she’s talking about as he slumps in defeat.

“I will always fight my hardest and do my best to find my way back to your arms… I remember.” He whispers softly, tears sparking in his bright eyes. It kills her to see the pain behind them, his selfless spirit just makes this all that much harder.

“Then why aren’t you sticking to it?” Felicity questions, watching as he physically recoils at her words, shaking his head as the pools of tears contained in his eyes only gain more weight.

“I am. But I can’t just sit idly by, I have to do this so that he doesn’t hurt you or Thea or anyone else in this city. They want Sara’s killer and they won’t stop until someone has paid the price.” He tells her softly, his voice remaining calm as he closes the bag and loops it over his body.

“So this is it? You’re just going to let him kill you?” Felicity questions, her voice cracking as she speaks as if her body cannot even fathom the thought of his death.

“It’s a duel, Felicity. I’m not going to a firing squad.” Oliver tells her with a soft chuckle and the arrogance only fuels her anger. She knows that it’s his bravado, his way of hiding his own fear, but it pisses her off nonetheless.

“He’s the leader of the deadliest alliance of assassins in the world. This isn’t like fighting some common criminal on the streets of Starling City, Oliver.” She implores, unable to resists as she steps forward and her hand fists in the fabric of his Henley. Oliver looks down at her hand, both of them staring at the sparkling diamond that rests there for a moment before he looks up at her, his hand gently covering her own.

“Felicity… I have to do this.” He sighs, tugging his shirt out her hand and pushing past her as if he’s heading towards the door. A noise of protest that sounds like more of a cry leaves her throat as she clings to their still adjoined hands, her other hand grasping tightly at his risk.

“No! After everything we went through last year, Oliver, are you really going to walk out of here like this? Are you really going to leave me here?”

Her voice is panicked and her words are cruel, she knows it, but he won’t understand or listen to her and she’s more than desperate. 

“That’s not fair and you know it.” Oliver tells her, stopping in his tracks to turn and level her with a sad look. There’s no bite to it, it’s far more disappointed than anything else. His tears are almost at the breaking point now and Felicity’s stomach twists painfully.

“I don’t care about fair anymore, not when you’re all of a sudden willing to die before you’ve even thought about fulfilling _this_ promise.” She cries, thrusting her left hand into his face and simply not allowing him to ignore it anymore.

The night last month when he got down on one knee was the most beautiful she’s ever experienced. He’d cooked them dinner, lit candles all around the apartment, and finally, when they eaten their full, he pulled out the ring and asked her to tie her life to his forever.

Her answer was the easiest ‘yes’ she’s ever given.

“You look so beautiful in white.” Oliver whispers under his breath as his tears finally spill over and a single tear runs down his cheek gently. The sight of it opens Felicity’s own flood gates and her tears flow freely down her cheeks as Oliver tenderly catches her hand and rubs his thumb over the diamond of her ring.

His frown only deepens at the sight of her tears and he guides their hands down as they intertwine, his other hand coming up to wipe her cheeks.

“Oliver. Please.” She sighs, nuzzling her face into her hand as he moves to cup her cheek. Her heart constricts painfully when she realises this may very well be the last time he holds her like this.

“I don’t have a choice. I have to do this to keep you safe.” Oliver reminds her tenderly but Felicity just finds herself scoffing as she shakes her head.

“I don’t want to be safe, I want to be with you.”

Oliver smiles sadly, nodding his head as if he understands her, even though they’re clearly on vastly different pages. “Remember what I told you when I left you in the mansion for Slade?”

“I need you to stay here?” She frowns, trying to recall the conversation as her mind floods with the gentle words Oliver has uttered to her over the course of their relationship. Her response elicits a chuckle from him as he nods his head.

“And the other thing. I’ve…” He prompts and Felicity swallows as she realises what he means.

“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. You’re the best thing in my life, the very best part of me.” She repeats, her tears only worsening as she recalls the sweet and tender way he’d spoken them to her, honesty ringing through every word.

“I’ve never spoken truer words.” Oliver speaks softly, his thumb reaching down to gently caress her lips as his shoulders shake painfully.

“Oliver, _please…”_ Felicity tries but he just smiles sadly once more, one thumb rubbing over the diamond on her ring finger and the other caressing her cheek.

“I love you with every part of me. You are my angel, my guiding light, and you made me believe I could be so much more than just the person I am in the shadows.” Oliver tells her gently, his tears falling much more freely now, and Felicity heart constricts like there’s a clamp around it at the sight and his words.

They’re things he’s spoken to her so many times before, whispering in the intimacy of their bed and declared to others with a proud smile, but they’ve never hurt like this before.

“Why does this sound like goodbye? You can beat him.” Felicity urges and Oliver smiles, leaning forward to press his lips to her forehead in a lingering kiss.

The touch feels like a brand, the spot he kissed burning as he pulls away.

“Because I don’t want any regrets if I die at the top of that mountain.” He tells her gently and then he’s unwinding their hands and pulling away.

“I love you. I love you so much.” Felicity cries, the sound of his footsteps on the stairs like the most ominous marching drum and Felicity feels her knees give out as she falls to the floor.

The pain of them hitting the concrete floor of the Foundry is nothing in comparison to pain that floods every bone in her body at the thought of that possibly being the last thing she’s ever spoken to the love of her life. She doesn’t care that the cold floor of the Foundry is hard and unfeeling as she curls in on herself and cries for a love not given the time that it needs.

…until suddenly there’s a soft shake against her shoulder and a voice calling her a name.

A voice that sounds suspiciously like the man she just said goodbye to.

“Hey, hey… Felicity. _Felicity._ Baby, wake up, you’re having a bad dream.”

Felicity frowns as the words sound less like sounds and more like sense and she frowns as she opens eyes she doesn’t remember closing, only to be met with a bright light.

“What… I…” She mumbles as she moves, her frown only deepening as something constricts her movements. There’s the distinct sound of a click and suddenly she’s free. She forces her eyes to comply as she frowns, concentrating on the shape in front of her. “Oliver?”

Her voice is thick and weary but Oliver merely slides her glasses onto her face, forcing his image to become far clearer.

He’s not wearing the Henley he was moments ago, but instead his favourite green hoodie that he’s stolen back from her. “It’s me, baby. You’re okay, it’s okay.”

“Where are we?” Felicity frowns as her eyesight becomes clearer and she looks around to see that she’s not on the floor of the Foundry but instead a lush leather seat. There’s another just the same next to her and a small window with a blind pulled down sits within a white wall.

“The jet. On the way to the cabin for the holidays, remember?” Oliver states softly, gently stroking her knee from where he’s bent down in front of her seat.

Her mid comes back to her and she sighs as she realises it was all a dream. She’s not on the Foundry floor, he hasn’t left her. Oliver is here, in front of her, and they’re on their way to his family’s cabin to spend their holidays with their families. “Oh right.”

“That dream really messed with your head, huh? You’re okay, sweetheart, I got you.” Oliver smiles softly, scooping her into his arms and turning so that he’s sat on the seat with her perched on his lap. It’s a practiced move and Felicity is grateful for it, clinging to him tightly as his arms wrap around her.

Oliver’s arms and the warmth and safety they provide is exactly what she needs right now. She knows it was just a dream but the pain felt real and the real feeling of his arms around her is what she needs to bring her back to reality. It may have been some cruel joke her brain thought up but the fear was real and she’s grateful to be able to feel him so close to her as he gently kisses her hair.

“Angel, not that I don’t love you with all of me, but you’re holding on a little tight.” Oliver whispers after a moment with a slight wince and Felicity frowns as she realises her fingers have slipped beneath the neck of his t-shirt where her nails are digging painfully into his skin.

“Sorry.” She whispers, loosening her grip and swallowing thickly as rhe memory of the dream comes crashing back along with the feeling of his fingers sliding out hers. Oliver notices immediately, his hand moving to cup her chin and direct her eyes onto his.

“Was the dream about Slade? Because he’s gone, he can’t hurt us anymore.” He asks with a soft frown, moving to gently rub his thumb over her cheek soothingly. It’s a good guess, they’re both marked with their own share of trauma from their experiences last year (and in years previous), and that trauma still haunts them both in their dreams. It’s rare they make it through a night without either of them having a bad dream or a panic attack but they have each other to make it through. 

“No. I… I don’t know what it was about really… you were leaving to go fight the leader of the League of Assassins and you were talking as if you weren’t going to come back. I thought you were going to die.” Felicity explains softly, her voice shaking as she remembers it, and Oliver’s eyebrows furrow in a frown as he listens.

“Why on earth would I go fight the leader of the deadliest alliance of assassins in the world? That sounds like suicide to me.” He questions, bafflement evident in his tone and Felicity bites her lip, blinking confusedly.

“I think that was exactly the point.” Felicity whispers and Oliver coughs in surprise before he shakes his head.

“God, no wonder you’re so shaky.” He comments tenderly before adjusting her so that they’re closer. His arms wrap around her tightly in a hug and Felicity loops her arms around his neck as she buries her face in his neck. His own lips come to rest close to her ear and Felicity sighs contently as the tenseness leaves her body. “It was just a dream, sweetheart. We’ve faced nothing but petty criminals since Slade. We’re okay. I’m here with you and I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

Felicity shakes, clinging tightly to him. She sniffles into his neck and feels his arms tighten as he presses a long kiss to her temple. “I don’t want to live in that world. I know that loving you comes with its sacrifices, that your hero spirit and your moral compass will lead you to doing the right thing no matter what, but that? Oliver, I’ve never been so scared and it was only a dream.”

Her words come out fast, in a muddle of fear and pain and as she finishes, Oliver kisses her temple, then her cheek before drawing her out of her space cocooned in his neck to clasp her face in his arms.

“I made you a promise last year, Felicity. I told you that I will always fight my hardest and do my best to find my way back to your arms. That hasn’t changed. No matter the mission, I will always try my hardest to come home to you.”

He smiles at her as he speaks and Felicity smiles too. The reminder of the words he spoke in her dream should make her quiver but they’re accompanied with such a tender and open look that she cannot help but smile as she allows his love to warm her in its usual way.

“Good, because we’re going to be tied together in a far more concrete way pretty soon.” She teases, lifting up her left hand to show him her ring. Oliver chuckles, catching it and bringing it to his lips to kiss her ring.

“A formality. You’re already everything to me.” He tells her with a wink that has her melting.

“I love you so much.” She whispers, cupping his cheek with her free hand and pulling their faces closer to each other.

“I love you too, angel.” His whispers as their foreheads meet and their noses brush against each other. It takes barely any movement to bring their lips together in a kiss and Felicity sighs into the familiar comfort, the two of them moving against each other in a practiced dance. Oliver’s arms tighten around her to tug her impossibly closer and Felicity arches into him, trying to lap up every inch of his love and warmth that she can.

“Ew gross. Guys, there’s other people here, you know?”

They pull apart with a gasp at the sound of Thea’s voice, Felicity having completely forgotten about not being alone on the jet in her state from the nightmare. She turns to see Thea smirking from her seat across the aisle and the nineteen year old wiggles her fingers in a sarcastic wave. Felicity adjusts herself properly so she’s sat sideways on Oliver’s lap, looping an arm around his shoulders as his arms lightly encircle her waist to balance her.

“Like you’re generally any better, Thea.” Felicity snorts, gesturing at Roy who’s sat next to his girlfriend. The boy who’s become like a brother to her narrows his eyes jokingly, before he winks with a smile.

“He’s my big brother though. The thought of him being sexual at all just… ugh.” Thea groans, gesturing towards Oliver before she mimes being sick. Felicity snorts as Oliver chuckles, resting his chin gently on her shoulder.

“Right back at you, little sis.” He chuckles with a shake of his head, his laugh only deepening as Roy immediately raises his hands in a surrender motion.

“Alright you two, let’s stop bickering like children. We’re almost landing.” Moira comments as she sweeps into the main cabin with her usual elegance. She’s changed into her usual dress and blazer, her hair perfectly quaffed and styled, ready for the cameras that will undoubtedly be at the airport. She smiles warmly at them all before descending into the seat opposite Oliver and Felicity.

“I need to change.” Felicity frowns, looking down at her own outfit of yoga pants and Oliver’s sweatshirt. She knows her hair is a mess too, half falling out of the bun she threw it up into when they left Starling.

“I’ll come with you.” Oliver tells her gently, lifting her to her feet. Felicity smiles as he entwines their fingers.

“Gross.” Thea comments and Oliver reaches over to gently poke her in retaliation.

“Shut it, Speedy.”

Felicity chuckles, following Oliver up the aisle but she’s stopped as Moira grasps her wrist, smiling up at her softly. “Are you okay?”

“I will be. Thank you.” Felicity squeezes her hand as she smiles at her affectionately. Her relationship with the woman who is soon to be her mother-in-law has only warmed since they took down Slade and Felicity is so happy to get to say that.

“You know we’re all quite attached to you.” Moira smiles warmly and Felicity breaks out into a grin for the first time since she awoke from that awful nightmare.

“And I to you.”

“Have you heard from your mother?” Moira questions and Felicity’s smile only grows at the reminder that they’re meeting her mother at the cabin. She knows the size of the cabin is going to blow her mind but she’s most looking forward to just getting to spend time with her mom; it’s been too long.

“She was at the airport ready to board just before we took off.” Felicity confirms and Moira nods with a smile.

“I’m looking forward to seeing her. I think her and my mother will get on quite well. A nice forerunner to the wedding.” She states, tapping Felicity’s ring seeing as she’s holding her left hand and she smiles too at the thought. She too thinks her mother and Olivia are going to get on like a house on fire.

“Felicity?” Oliver’s voice calls from where he’s already gone ahead to the small room where their bags with their changes of clothes are.

“That’s me.” Felicity chuckles, squeezing Moira’s hand warmly before she makes her way to the room to see him stood in the middle of it.

“How about this one?” He questions, holding up her new green bikini top that looks like nothing more than a scrap of fabric in his fingers. There’s a smirk on his face that holds promise for a _lot_ more when they arrive at the cabin.

“That one’s just for you and the hot tub.” She comments with a chuckle, snatching it out of his hands with her best attempt at a wink.

“I look forward to it.” Oliver grins and Felicity does too, rising on her toes to peck a kiss against his lips, all thoughts of the nightmare behind her.

**Author's Note:**

> So, you see? No reason to yell? Right?
> 
> So writing this got me thinking about what S3 would look like in this world and without Thea leaving with Malcolm at the end of the Siege, none of the stuff with the League would've happened because she wouldn't have killed Sara. I suppose technically the S3 'big bad' would be Brick, which occurs AFTER the winter hiatus! I hope you enjoyed and you're not too mad about the switcheroo here!


End file.
